Made New
When we had our first daughter, I expected that my new role as a parent would be hard and exhausting. But I was surprised at how deeply I struggled in that first year. I felt like the very fibers of me were unraveling, exposing every single imperfection. As much as I wanted to chalk it up to being only a few months postpartum, I knew it was more than that.
I was experiencing debilitating fear on a regular basis and anxiety in ways I hadn’t previously. My mind was swimming with false beliefs and hurts from my past that I had buried down deep.
I kept going through the motions, pretending I was holding together just fine. Then one Sunday evening, during his sermon, our pastor mentioned reGROUP, Summit’s recovery ministry. I’d heard enough about it to know it was a place I could process my story. I had been mulling over the idea of going, but I kept putting it off... On that Sunday evening it suddenly felt very clear to me what my next step should be.
So I went, and I kept showing up on Monday nights. For a while I didn’t say much, but over time, I was able to engage with my story openly. As I did the work and kept myself open to the work God was doing within me, I began to see changes. I made connections between events in my past and behaviors I have now. I identified false beliefs I had been living with for so long. I found my voice again—something that I had lost over the years. I began to see God in a new way. And I began to see myself through his eyes.
“As I did the work and kept myself open to the work God was doing within me, I began to see changes.”
Whether we like it or not, our stories impact our parenting—how we respond to the unknown, how we cope with stress, our mindsets, our sensitivities, and the list goes on. But we have a choice: We can parent out of our wounds, hang-ups, and fears or we can parent out of wholeness and the freedom that is found in Christ. It’s the difference between parenting from a place of depletion and parenting out of God’s abundance. Parenting from the latter brings our little ones reassurance of the love God has for them, confidence in their identity, and an understanding of grace because they see us living in these truths.
Walking through reGROUP helped me realize that the pain I was experiencing wasn’t due to my circumstances as a new mom and wouldn’t just fade with time. It was tied to my own brokenness, and the only way to experience freedom was to face it. At the end of that journey, I truly felt like I was a different person than when I started. And I was—I am! That process helped me become more fully the person God had made me to be. Psalm 34 never felt more true…
“I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered in shame... The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34: 4-5, 18
The process is painful, but I promise it is worth it. It’s the unraveling of your tattered, worn self so you can be woven back together into something new, the radiant design you were intended to be. And that is something far more beautiful than before.
Laura Hunt is the Nursery and Preschool Coordinator at our Herndon Campus. She keeps her reGROUP coin on her bedside table to remind her of God's work of restoration in her life. You can contact Laura at lhunt@summitconnect.org.