Raising Kind and Curious Kids
It was obvious my daughter was nervous to meet her Kindergarten teacher, and it wasn’t just the usual first-day jitters. You see, my daughter wore braces on her legs and feet, and she knew they made her look different than her peers. Her teacher knelt down to my daughter’s eye level and smiled warmly before saying, “Oh, wow! Those are beautiful braces on your legs. What do those help you to do?”
She was genuinely interested, and my child’s face lit up. She didn’t ignore the braces, pretend she knew their purpose, or stare at them. She asked to learn more, and did so in a kind and curious way. That interaction meant the world to my little girl, and my mama heart will forever be grateful for it.
I want to raise my kids to be people who help others move from feelings of anxiety to a sense of belonging, and I imagine you do, too. And since raising kind and curious kids takes intentionality, we have some important questions to answer: What do we do when we notice differences in others? And what do we say when our children notice? When our children point out a difference they observe, instead of shushing, ignoring, or redirecting them, I think we can meet them in their curiosity. When we try to hide ways people are different from one another, it’s like we’re assigning shame to the difference. But God’s creation is intentional and beautifully unique. We can love others because of differences, not just in spite of them.
“God’s creation is intentional and beautifully unique. We can love others because of differences, not just in spite of them. ”
What would it look like to affirm our child’s observations? “Yes, that person does use a wheelchair,” or “Yes, that person does have a different color of skin than yours,” or “Yes, that person does speak differently than you,” and follow each acknowledgement up with: “…and God loves them so very much. It’s ok to be curious. Is there anything you’d like to ask me about?”
If you don’t feel equipped to answer their questions, take heart! You have an opportunity to learn alongside your child. You might engage in conversation together with a friend, asking questions and listening in order to better understand their experience. You can do the work to learn what you don't know by reading books with your child or researching an unfamiliar topic. And you can turn to God's Word together to read what God has to say about His unique and wonderfully-made creation. The truth of the Gospel tells us that God created all and Jesus came to die as sacrifice for all. We can offer someone dignity and belonging regardless of our differences.
If you’re reading this and haven’t experienced your child’s curiosity relating to differences, it may be because they haven’t had the opportunity to experience much diversity. In which case, we have another important question to ask: How can we better introduce our children to God's diverse family? Before they set foot outside our home, we can help our kids discover the beauty of our differences by engaging them in conversations and utilizing resources such as books and media with diverse characters.
We may not think they’re paying attention, but our kids are watching us. What would they learn if they saw us leaning into the hard conversations, striving to understand, and seeking God’s wisdom through the journey? What a gift to our families, communities, and world if we were all kind and curious learners! We can help our kids learn to love and see others like Jesus does: beautifully diverse and different.
Dacia Kanaan is the Children’s Ministry Volunteer Coordinator at Summit Church Waterford. Dacia has a Master’s Degree in social work, with an emphasis on supporting children and families, and brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to Summit’s Children’s Ministry team. She’s also an awesome person and an amazing mom. You can reach her at dkanaan@summitconnect.org.