The Last "First Day"
Summer is winding down and school supplies have shown up in stores where patio furniture used to be. Anxiety runs high when my mind begins thinking of the upcoming school year. Thirteen first days of school, that’s how many I’ve had with my child. My prayers for her have changed over the years. A simple prayer asking God to help her do well in kindergarten became a nervous prayer asking God to protect her from the ‘mean girl stuff’ and other shenanigans that go on in middle school. Then the prayer on the last first day of high school was simple again: Lord, keep her safe while driving and help her to have a good year.
The days flew by, I wanted time to slow down so I could relish every moment of Emma’s last year at home. Instead, time continued at warp speed, and with her activities we hardly saw her at all. Then came COVID-19. Suddenly time seemed to come to a halt. There would be no prom, no graduation…no closure to this final school year. My prayers at this point completely shifted. Now I prayed ‘Lord, please get the glory in this. Guide us, and help us not languish. Show us how to flourish in the midst of uncertainty. Shine light on your purpose for my child...’ And then those prayers morphed into prayers of thanksgiving. Instead of hardly seeing her, we were now spending every day together and having deep conversations about heart matters. I began to see that God was preparing me to let her go. My role in her life was changing from parenting a child to being the parent of an adult.
“The constant in all of the first days is God. He redeems all the ugly of uncertainty for my good, though I can only see it clearly in hindsight.”
Though we reached the end of a season, our last first day wasn’t truly the last for Emma. As I wonder what lies ahead for her, I can’t help but reflect on the many first days I’ve already had alongside those yet to come: the first day of college, of grad school, of marriage, of motherhood… the first day of work, of caring for an elderly parent, and eventually the first day of learning to live without parents when they pass on. The constant in all of the first days is God. He redeems all the ugly of uncertainty for my good, though I can only see it clearly in hindsight. All the fears of the unknown lurking, taunting and antagonizing me fall silent under declaration of who God is:
ALL-POWERFUL. ALL-KNOWING. ETERNAL. CREATOR.
None of what gives me angst is a surprise to Him. In Joshua 1:9 He says, “Be Strong and Courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” I soak in the truth of this verse and find rest.
The 2020-21 school year looks more daunting than any previous school year. The decisions before me this year weigh so heavily that it feels like uncertainty has reached its peak. But maybe it hasn’t. We may not have even come close to just how uncertain or difficult things may become. Regardless, I know that God has not forgotten us. 2020 has not caught Him off guard. So, now for my daughter and myself I pray ‘God, help us make good, right decisions and help us remain in Your will.’ And although I’d prefer a spreadsheet with all the options, choices and resulting consequences mapped out in front of me, God’s Word IS my spreadsheet. It has everything I need to live by faith today, and every single first day to come.
Krystal Ritchey has attended Summit Church with her family for the last eight years, and has been serving in children’s ministry nearly as long. She radiates warmth and wisdom, and can often be found surrounded by a rapt audience of two-year-olds. Krystal loves hiking with her family–preferably in the winter or in places where the temperatures stay below 85 degrees.