The Family I Imagined
When I was planning my family as I grew up, I always imagined having multiple kids. As an only child myself, I didn’t want my children to feel the loneliness that I felt growing up without a sibling. When my husband and I were blessed with our sweet daughter, Isabel Bea, we were on our way to the family I had always envisioned. We planned to wait two years, maybe three, until we had our next child. But as we began trying to conceive again, it wasn’t as easy as the first time…
After eighteen months of trying to get pregnant, my husband and I found out that we were dealing with secondary infertility. By definition, secondary infertility is the inability to become pregnant or to carry a baby to term after previously giving birth to a baby. I didn’t know that this condition existed until I was in the middle of it. Three years into trying, we had experienced a miscarriage, a couple of false alarms, and the broken dream of the family I’d always imagined.
Facing that heartbreak and uncertainty was one of the saddest and most painful times of my life. Isabel longed (and still longs) for a sibling, just like I did. It breaks my heart and I am all too familiar with the feelings of loneliness that she has already started to battle. I wanted, and dreamed of, more for her. As I mourned and prayed during those difficult times, God met me in my heartbreak, and helped me, as he often does, to reframe my thinking.
“We were each created by our God who crafted us perfectly for his purpose, and he is the one redeeming our family’s story and making it beautiful. ”
It was not about the family I had planned for myself; it never was. It was about the family God had planned for and blessed me with. And I get the responsibility and privilege of loving this family with all I have. I want to embrace the dreams God has for my family and live out our family’s story in a way that honors him.
I’ve learned that the greatest gift that I can give my family is not putting the pressure on myself to make my family look and feel the way I always dreamed it would, but rather placing God at the center and letting him work through us. We were each created by our God who crafted us perfectly for his purpose, and he is the one redeeming our family’s story and making it beautiful. Apart from him, there will always be something missing.
Our family may not look the way I always imagined it would, but one day, not too many years from now, when Izzy looks back on our family, she’ll remember that our family loved God with all of our hearts, we prayed, we intentionally spent time together, we forgave each other often, we loved others recklessly, we were honest, we communicated, we had fun and we were deeply loved, flaws and all. And my prayer is that our family’s legacy in Izzy’s life would be one of love, with God at the center.
Amy Kaufholz is a member of the Summit Lake Mary staff team. She and her husband, Jimmy, and their daughter, Izzy, love playing Mario Kart together and enjoying weekend cuddle sessions. You can find Amy at her creative venture, Love Lovely Styling, or reach out to her at akaufholz@summitconnect.org.